What is a hero, to you?

What defines a hero?

Yesterday was the last day of school and I might be sad to leave Form 4 but I am excited to be on holiday mode. I can do a lot of stuff that I had been planning the whole year. I have a month and a week holiday and I am going to make sure that spend it the best as I can. 

So, I watched this cool TV show called "The Number's Game." It was a show on how to be someone or something according to the recent statistics. This show interact with the viewers by asking us quizzes ask us to do some test if we are qualify to be the special someone. On that day, it was showing how to be a hero.

I want to be a hero. 

So, what defines a hero? Most people imagines that a hero is someone who has those cool superpowers or maybe someone who achieves great things or maybe the fastest man on Earth. In "The Number's Game," it defines hero as someone who can see something was amiss while others can't see it. In a book called The Fault in Our Stars, Gus defines hero as someone who notices things, paying attention. So, to you, what is a hero?

I was contemplating the idea of making a hero club. You know, like "Big Hero 6." I would invited the students of my school, the one that I know and the ones I know for sure have the potential to be a hero.

I was just so sick of how adults perceive us teenagers. They said, these teenagers were bad, they 're on drugs, they're skip school, don't do homework, disrespectful, and blah, blah blah. Seriously, not all of us like that. That's the thing, you know, there are some of us that are introvert, quiet to be notice, a bookie, someone that's nice and well, someone that is religious. These people are a small percentage of the society and well, we should all stand up and do something to change what society think teenagers as a whole. 

Yes, these people that doesn't seem to exist, the side-effect of the teenage society. We should all stand up and make us the general of teenage society. 

Everybody can be a hero. In the "Number's Game," there are three characteristics of being a hero; don't be a bystander and take action when there's a problem, pay attention to your surroundings and knowing what to do when hero's chemical (adrenaline) kicks in.    

So, you can be a hero. Just be confident and do it. 

Happy nearly ending November!

Wish Well Wisher

Motivation

I didn’t even realize that I need motivation all along.

School is nearly ending. Exams are coming its way to the doorsteps of my peace. PT3/PMR and SPM are nearing.

This is what I call, end-of-the-year-in-Malaysia. Pretty stressful, isn’t it?

Therefore, the schools hired a very over-the-top motivator, Doctor Tengku Asmadi.  You guys, if you don’t know him, either you are non-Malaysia or you just don’t listen to the Malaysian radio or watch the Malaysian TV too much.

I am not going to write his biography here. It will just bore you. But, here’s what I know. He was born in a poor family in Terengganu, Malaysia and dreamed to become a doctor one day. He works VERY hard to get there and he successfully achieved his ambition. When he looked back through all his hard work and the generation that is growing right now, he thought he could change the world by changing and motivate the roots: the students. He doesn’t want to see his generation grew up regretting their life. No, he doesn’t. So, he left his current job and became one of the greatest motivator in Malaysia.

I cannot express my happiness, my shock when the teacher told us that he is coming. It was like a dream come true. His motivation could make you feel like…I can do this shit no matter whatever shit comes in the way!

After all this time…really, I thought I was okay. I thought I can do it no matter what. I thought I could heal. But, I didn’t know I need motivation.  I didn’t know I was not okay.

So, he came. He came and enlightens me. He came and shouts in front of the stage. He came and MOTIVATES me. He came and changed me. He came and told me I could do it.

Technically, he told the whole school, but…who cares?

Here’s the thing: Always and I say it again ALWAYS motivate yourself every SINGLE day. I do mean it. Motivate and think positive because if you don’t, in three days, you’ll be more depressing than the grey clouds of the rain. Always wake up with a positive thinking.  Be thankful that you are alive when you wake up. Mornings are the beginnings of the day. Never start the beginnings with something bad. Start over. Yesterday, you are different. Today, you are different. Start with a smile.

When someone freaking insults you, telling you’re ugly, telling you’re dumb, fat, retard, or whatever, DON’T SLAP THEIR MOUTH’S WITH A CHAIR! I know you want to do it, but DON’T.

Instead say, “SO WHAT?”

And leave, like a BOSS.

This is a way for you to Stand up for yourself. Don’t leave that insult hanging on to you the whole day. It will make you effing crazy. And when you crazy, you will do crazy shtuff, like suicide or hurting yourself or eating drugs or well, DANGEROUS STUFF.

Let it go, like whatever Elsa says.

Seriously, I don’t think I like Elsa that much, but she got a point.

Try your best and do your very best in every aspect in life possible. I know you must think you are suck with everything, but…everybody has a talent. Just be Yourself. Talent will show when you live positively, happily, smartly, and yourself-ly. J Smile every day. Don’t let problems take you down in a deeper abyss. Fight them with your super awesomeness, your super techy gaming skills, your reading-ness, your geeky-ness, your nerd-ness, your smartness, yourself.

Tell yourself you can do it.

 “I CAN DO IT! AND NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM EVER ACHIEVING MY DREAMS!”

And for all of you Muslims out there, come back to Allah. Allah is your protector. Pray that everything can get better. Pray for strength, for happiness, for peace. Put your trust in Allah because nothing will ever happen except what He ordained for us. Your problems are there because Allah trusts you that yes, you are strong enough, yes, you can do it and yes, you can get through it.  

You and I came a long way. 

We can do it. 

We can make the world a better place 

Happy October!

Well, I know it's a day early but... Happy Birthday Dat Nguyen!

Wish Well Wisher

Put me beside you

I don't want to spoil this, but I have finish exams for three weeks.

Hehehe...

Surprise! I'm alive and well everybody. I'm having a holiday today and today will be my last week of holiday.

I don't really want to go back to school, but I don't want to stay in the house any longer.

It's making me crazy.

Anyway, facing school is worse than facing screaming siblings. Don't you think?

I'm afraid of being too proud to my friends. They kept compliment about me thus self-pitying themselves. I could see in their eyes that they want to do more, but someone's blocking their way. I want to help them, but will they accept my help?

One of my ways to be humble is to smile and say thank you. Try to help people around you and give them a push to success. 

I'm uncomfortable when I'm the only one standing in the field of success. I want to help the people below me, so I won't be alone there. I want my friends to be beside and savoring the success with me.

Don't you see, my friends, I am nothing without you. Don't try to put me up front or behind. 

Put me beside you. Don't leave me.

Please.

Wish Well Wisher

Be a champion! For me, please...

You guys wouldn't mind if I was too busy, right?I know, you guys wouldn't be because I bet you are busy yourself.

Next week is my midterm and I know I had wasted my time writing this for you people, but this day is my closure day and I won't be checking Internet until next month. Don't be sad. I know you guys wouldn't mind yourself that I only be gone for a month. You won't miss me. I know you won't.

The school is killing me with their, I have no idea, 'school powers.' They prolonged the test for three weeks! FOR THREE !@#$%^& WEEKS!  No, WAY I could survive THAT long. Well, it will be long run and you know, if I survive I'll see you guys next month.

Sometimes when I see myself and look back towards my hard brittle past, I thought, "I survive?" And it will always be a pondering question to me and I will always thought about how did I do it. I always felt nostalgic and I have no idea if it's good or bad or just a bunch of two good and bad bunch up together.

Teenager life is hard and I admit sometimes that I don't really want to see how tomorrow looks like, but I move because I had to or I'll be running of out time. Sometimes when I see little kids watch one of those silly shows that characterized as high school boys and girls, but still sound like an eight-year old kid show, I felt disgusted. How can the world be so cruel to children by telling lies about how teenagers live their life? Seriously, when I look at those shows at how their girls seemingly falling for cute boys and prom and boring teachers and bullies, I thought, "That's not even half true!"

It's so wrong...Why the world is so wrong?

I want to be a champion some day. Maybe, not to people, but in my eyes I will be. Not because it's so great to become one. But, it's for other people who also wants to be a champion. To the people who many people had looked down upon and wrongly judged by people eyes. I want to be those champions so that when people look at me, they said, "I shouldn't have underestimate at her in the first place."

So, to the people of the world, old and young, smart or dumb, bad-ass or smart-ass, rich or poor, or the people in between, and yes, I had always been people in between,  let's rise up and let the world see that we can be champion!

Here's some YouTube vid for you, just to get your hopes up. Heheh...I was trying to get my hopes too. There's some lyrics that I don't entirely agree, but it's a good song nonetheless.

My favorite part was, "Doing it for your country," :)
Smiles to the people who's doing exams next week. Gosh, I am so worried...
Anyway, hopes up people, it's May!
And I will see you in June (If I survive) If I don't survive, please send condolences over here at my bloggy. (Just kidding)
Wish Well Wisher

'I dont think I belong here...yet"

I remember the last time I thought, "I don't belong here."

Well, I know you guys out there might kill me if I show my face to you because I had been blogging for a quite a long while. I have a lot of homework and a lot of chores and a lot of things...Oh, you get it. I was busy.

But, right now, I am here and that's what matter most. Today and now.

Right now, my family on my mother side is having a gathering and since I couldn't help in the kitchen and the only person who is my age is a boy, I sit upstairs and writing this wonderful blog. I started to remember days when I was at Denver. Good days and sad days even. But, sad days come first.  I remember the time when some people hate me for being there when I was in seventh grade and I remember the days when I was lonely at TJ. And I always remember the thoughts cruising in my head, how I never belong here and how I stupid, how I pitying myself. Well, I am not self-pitying myself right now but this is the truth.

And then, one faithful day, in Malaysia, when I was doing something that I didn't remember, I thought the same thing that was written up there.

Then, I thought,I never totally belong anywhere, am I? I was different from the first day I started my school until now. I was different in some way that well, different.

DIFFERENT.

 Gosh, I don't know. I just don't know why I choose to feel sad about this different ness.

I remember the time when I want to take a different approach for this school year. I don't want to be the crowd. I want to be someone who is in front of the crowd. Someone who leads the crowd.

Then, it did happened. I don't know what I chose to be in that kind of position. I just say, yes. It changed my life. Every thing. Then, I read Kak Kamalia's latest post and now, I understand what it's like to be here. To be depend on, to be a leader, and the pressure. Damn, the freaking pressure. You just don't want to fall in front of this people that you love.

Wish Well Wisher.
It's short but...You get what I mean.
Happy February!

Looking back at Sri Ayehsa

My brother asked me last night, "Why don't you go back to Sri Ayesha?"

I smiled at that question and said, "That's a very good question. You know what, the answer will be in my blog."

The idea of writing it didn't came until today when I visited Sri Ayesha. If you guys want to know, Sri Ayesha is a school that I attended to when I was year 4 (4th grade) until year 6 (6th grade). You might as well say that Sri Ayesha had teach me a lot of things but it wasn't enough to mature me. But, I like the school nonetheless.

It was a very quick visit because I only came to pick up my siblings, but you might as well say many things did happened. Sri Ayesha was so different yet still the same. I don't know what's the difference,but I could feel it in my heart. It is so weird to be back to a place that you supposedly belong, but didn't feel the belonging. That's how I feel. A foreigner. You might as well accused me crazy, but I could not deny the feeling of uneasiness and anxiousness. 

Really, I plan my visit to be a happy fun times thing. It will be full of rainbows and unicorns and lush green flowery view, but nope. I felt ridiculous, vulnerable and stupid. So, I asked my best friend's sister to go find my little sister. But before that, I met one of teachers when I was year 4. My BM teacher. She was shocked to see me again and yeah, she asked me a question, "Which school did you go to?" When I answer, I cannot help the feeling of regret. I thought why my school didn't sound so good and professional like MRSM or a boarding school? I met with my sister and when upstairs to find my brother.

My brother is being a complete dick and his friends are also dicks and well, basically all boys are a dick to me except my father. Hey, if it sounds offensive to you, then, I'm sorry, you lousy dicks. I know the girls and boys have separate class in secondary, but I didn't know it's forbidden to go there. I was thinking, that's silly. How I am supposed to get my brother if he was in the other side of the hallway? I was like F you rules I didn't go in this school anymore and let's get this boy and leave. I know it was stupid of me to think of that, but really, I could tell this visit is not going the way I was planning to. 

My brother's friends is being disturbing for not letting me get my brother. Really, I know he is there. He just laugh his head off when I entered the room. They thought they could lie to me, so I could downstairs to find him my brother? Do they think I am stupid? Really, boys, I bet you don't know what are the organelles in a cell.  I strode in there and they visage changed like, "Hey, you cannot come in here!" "She's coming! She's COMING!" "Forbidden, girl, get out." I get my brother but he keep stalling! Talking to his friends like there's no one waiting for him! My little sister was acting like a five year old and I cannot stand when she act like that. Disrupting my progress of getting out of here and you know what happened next? There's this boy just walking past and my sister pointed at him and said, "He's your boyfriend!" I was like damn it. My sister is being embarrassing to me again! I didn't know that guy's name and she just shouted like that! Doesn't she have a thought that I and whoever that guy is have feelings! Really, whoever you, the guy, are, I am truly sorry. I was hoping my unluckiness will end but nope. There's a dick bloody A-hole saw me. 

This guy recognized me in some way and he said, "Huh, you still exist.," and strode away like he didn't have a care for the world. Curses were playing in my head, directing to him. Hey, that guy use this tone of voice that made me want to punch him in his face! You might say I am violence or bad but no! Just no! He have no respect in women! He is being a dick to me and I don't like it! Now, I realized I should be off. I want to be off and away. You know what guy, I am going to apologize you for your....disrespect. But, revenge is bittersweet. I am sorry that I don't your name or recognized you, but if I did, I would have post all around the world that you have no respect to me. 

I cannot believe my little childhood school had become a hell. I wish my visit had become a little bit happy. You know, just a little bit. I didn't even find my friends or anything. I was wondering if they even remember me. I was wondering if the teachers even remember me. I don't know. I was hoping to see all my teachers on that visit, but it didn't went that way. 

My brother's question was the same question that he ask me a long time ago. I was, "Why don't you want to go back to Denver?" My reason will be the same. I really want to go back to Sri Ayesha, but I know I didn't belong there. People there they know each other and I know if I went back they will all like "Fatihah!" and then after a moment or two, they went back to their friends. I know that because it happen to me when I first came back from US and I went to my neighborhood school. They act exactly like that. I don't want to have that feeling again. The feeling of knowing that you know this people but that people is not making themselves know me better. I do have friends in Sri Ayesha but I bet they rather spend more time with their friends rather than me who just somehow disappear from Malaysia for two and half years and somehow reappear again. Anyway, I didn't leave a legacy at Sri Ayesha. I bet no one wants to see my unlegacy face and action in Sri Ayesha. Eri, Wani and Kak Kamalia leave a legacy and you could see it because their face is everywhere in the school. 

Man, I don't get how my brother get along with people so well. Maybe, he is a boy and I am self-pitying myself. Huh, I been self-pitying myself for the whole time in this blog. Anyway, I want to send something to you guys before I leave. Please have a respect towards girls because you might not know that the girl you just tease might kick you in the balls and flip the middle finger at you. Second, don't self-pitying yourself like me. You don't go anywhere if you self-pitying yourself. Really, just think you can do it. But, don't overconfident. Three, you need to learn more about legacy. Legacy is big or small imprint that you left behind and yeah, I am self-pitying myself that I didn't leave a legacy in Sri Ayesha. I am really sure I didn't leave a legacy behind because I didn't do something big. I got average on everything. I bet my teachers were like, "Umm...do you remember this kid who is normal and average every time?" Shucks, all I want to say is be yourself to leave a legacy. You might say "no, it doesn't work" but believe me, I am myself when I was schooling at US and I didn't know I will get that much attention. And yes, I leave a legacy behind there and I hope my friends and teachers will remember me, as the first Malaysian to go to TJ and one of the smartest, kindest, different person they ever know.

Hey, I didn't self-pitying myself in the end. 

Well, I wish you all have a nice wonderful day.

Wish Well Wisher    

A situation that makes most people "Uh...What should I do?"

There's this one situation that happened to me a few days ago. It takes time for me to think about this situation. I went it again and again in my head and I couldn't make sense to it. The situation was like...a message or somewhat. I cannot place it in my mind and it keep whirling around me and so, I talk to my father about it. As I try to get some sleep last night, with my father thoughts echoing around my mind, I thought that this situation was a decent thing to write in my blog today.

It was school at that day and I was sitting down at my desk, reading my textbook while waiting for the teacher to show up. Then, this asshole guy show up at the front of desk. Well, he's lucky that I don't know his name or not I would post his name on here with big bold red letters. Anyway, he asked me what I got for PMR. It is a routine that I do and it's kind of inevitable to not to say, "Oh, I didn't take PMR." Before I could even finish my sentence, he cut off and said, "Hah! You don't take PMR," and stalked off. Most of the time, I would have felt offended or cried because I have a sensitive soul. But, instead, surprisingly, I smiled at myself and said, "Funny."

As I replay that situation again and again, I felt like I should have said something better like "F you in the A and have a nice day," like Markiplier did when he was some of his games or meet some ghosty-goo. But, I rethink again. I might have offend that guy. I don't like breaking hearts, not even a scratch. I know he is a boy and a dick, but offending people was not my thing to do.

So, let's say you in a situation that makes you say this one comment and somehow the person whom you're talking too pulls a sour face. What do you do? Do you just leave it and pretend, "Oh, I didn't see that,"? Or, you'll say your sorry? People in the right minds would have said their sorry, but some people are so clueless in their surroundings that they even know they had offended someone and that's a sin. Well, to me in most part. You have to be aware what's happening around you, so you don't make a silly mistake...or a permanent one.

If you have offended someone, say your sorry. I know the person you just offended will say, "It's okay," but you don't know what he or she thinking at that time, so make your sure your sorry sound genuine or give a reason why you made that comment. Really, "sorry" is powerful because "sorry" doesn't mean "Oh, yeah I offended you sorry, won't happen again." I know it means like that, but it has MORE meaning. "Sorry" it's a way of rebuilding the relationship or connection between you and the other person. Okay, let's say your is a picket fence and you some guy. You had offended someone. It will looks like you had destroyed the picket fence. When you say your sorry, it will looks like that you are rebuilding the fence back. Something like that.

Okay, let's say you end up in this situation like me only worse. People bully you and someone make some stupid crappy jokes about you. The first thing you have to keep in mind was not to use violence. Violence doesn't answer everything. Of course, you have to stand up for yourself, but really don't punch the person in the face. It will make you end up in the principal office or jail. You have to use something funny to ward off those stupid jokes. Say something funny or something reassuring that makes the bully think, "Aw, this is not fun." Okay, let's say you are not some guy who makes jokes. It is best to tell an adult or a reassuring friend about this problem, so both you and the person you consult with find the solution of the problem. Remember don't put a problem at the back in your mind. Solve the problem today.

Happy January People!
Happy School year too!
Wish Well Wisher