I remember the last time I thought, "I don't belong here."
Well, I know you guys out there might kill me if I show my face to you because I had been blogging for a quite a long while. I have a lot of homework and a lot of chores and a lot of things...Oh, you get it. I was busy.
But, right now, I am here and that's what matter most. Today and now.
Right now, my family on my mother side is having a gathering and since I couldn't help in the kitchen and the only person who is my age is a boy, I sit upstairs and writing this wonderful blog. I started to remember days when I was at Denver. Good days and sad days even. But, sad days come first. I remember the time when some people hate me for being there when I was in seventh grade and I remember the days when I was lonely at TJ. And I always remember the thoughts cruising in my head, how I never belong here and how I stupid, how I pitying myself. Well, I am not self-pitying myself right now but this is the truth.
And then, one faithful day, in Malaysia, when I was doing something that I didn't remember, I thought the same thing that was written up there.
Then, I thought,I never totally belong anywhere, am I? I was different from the first day I started my school until now. I was different in some way that well, different.
DIFFERENT.
Gosh, I don't know. I just don't know why I choose to feel sad about this different ness.
I remember the time when I want to take a different approach for this school year. I don't want to be the crowd. I want to be someone who is in front of the crowd. Someone who leads the crowd.
Then, it did happened. I don't know what I chose to be in that kind of position. I just say, yes. It changed my life. Every thing. Then, I read Kak Kamalia's latest post and now, I understand what it's like to be here. To be depend on, to be a leader, and the pressure. Damn, the freaking pressure. You just don't want to fall in front of this people that you love.
Wish Well Wisher.
It's short but...You get what I mean.
Happy February!
