I don't want to spoil this, but I have finish exams for three weeks.
Hehehe...
Surprise! I'm alive and well everybody. I'm having a holiday today and today will be my last week of holiday.
I don't really want to go back to school, but I don't want to stay in the house any longer.
It's making me crazy.
Anyway, facing school is worse than facing screaming siblings. Don't you think?
I'm afraid of being too proud to my friends. They kept compliment about me thus self-pitying themselves. I could see in their eyes that they want to do more, but someone's blocking their way. I want to help them, but will they accept my help?
One of my ways to be humble is to smile and say thank you. Try to help people around you and give them a push to success.
I'm uncomfortable when I'm the only one standing in the field of success. I want to help the people below me, so I won't be alone there. I want my friends to be beside and savoring the success with me.
Don't you see, my friends, I am nothing without you. Don't try to put me up front or behind.
You guys wouldn't mind if I was too busy, right?I know, you guys wouldn't be because I bet you are busy yourself.
Next week is my midterm and I know I had wasted my time writing this for you people, but this day is my closure day and I won't be checking Internet until next month. Don't be sad. I know you guys wouldn't mind yourself that I only be gone for a month. You won't miss me. I know you won't.
The school is killing me with their, I have no idea, 'school powers.' They prolonged the test for three weeks! FOR THREE !@#$%^& WEEKS! No, WAY I could survive THAT long. Well, it will be long run and you know, if I survive I'll see you guys next month.
Sometimes when I see myself and look back towards my hard brittle past, I thought, "I survive?" And it will always be a pondering question to me and I will always thought about how did I do it. I always felt nostalgic and I have no idea if it's good or bad or just a bunch of two good and bad bunch up together.
Teenager life is hard and I admit sometimes that I don't really want to see how tomorrow looks like, but I move because I had to or I'll be running of out time. Sometimes when I see little kids watch one of those silly shows that characterized as high school boys and girls, but still sound like an eight-year old kid show, I felt disgusted. How can the world be so cruel to children by telling lies about how teenagers live their life? Seriously, when I look at those shows at how their girls seemingly falling for cute boys and prom and boring teachers and bullies, I thought, "That's not even half true!"
It's so wrong...Why the world is so wrong?
I want to be a champion some day. Maybe, not to people, but in my eyes I will be. Not because it's so great to become one. But, it's for other people who also wants to be a champion. To the people who many people had looked down upon and wrongly judged by people eyes. I want to be those champions so that when people look at me, they said, "I shouldn't have underestimate at her in the first place."
So, to the people of the world, old and young, smart or dumb, bad-ass or smart-ass, rich or poor, or the people in between, and yes, I had always been people in between, let's rise up and let the world see that we can be champion!
Here's some YouTube vid for you, just to get your hopes up. Heheh...I was trying to get my hopes too. There's some lyrics that I don't entirely agree, but it's a good song nonetheless.
My favorite part was, "Doing it for your country," :)
Smiles to the people who's doing exams next week. Gosh, I am so worried...
Anyway, hopes up people, it's May!
And I will see you in June (If I survive) If I don't survive, please send condolences over here at my bloggy. (Just kidding)
Wish Well Wisher
I remember the last time I thought, "I don't belong here."
Well, I know you guys out there might kill me if I show my face to you because I had been blogging for a quite a long while. I have a lot of homework and a lot of chores and a lot of things...Oh, you get it. I was busy.
But, right now, I am here and that's what matter most. Today and now.
Right now, my family on my mother side is having a gathering and since I couldn't help in the kitchen and the only person who is my age is a boy, I sit upstairs and writing this wonderful blog. I started to remember days when I was at Denver. Good days and sad days even. But, sad days come first. I remember the time when some people hate me for being there when I was in seventh grade and I remember the days when I was lonely at TJ. And I always remember the thoughts cruising in my head, how I never belong here and how I stupid, how I pitying myself. Well, I am not self-pitying myself right now but this is the truth.
And then, one faithful day, in Malaysia, when I was doing something that I didn't remember, I thought the same thing that was written up there.
Then, I thought,I never totally belong anywhere, am I? I was different from the first day I started my school until now. I was different in some way that well, different.
DIFFERENT.
Gosh, I don't know. I just don't know why I choose to feel sad about this different ness.
I remember the time when I want to take a different approach for this school year. I don't want to be the crowd. I want to be someone who is in front of the crowd. Someone who leads the crowd.
Then, it did happened. I don't know what I chose to be in that kind of position. I just say, yes. It changed my life. Every thing. Then, I read Kak Kamalia's latest post and now, I understand what it's like to be here. To be depend on, to be a leader, and the pressure. Damn, the freaking pressure. You just don't want to fall in front of this people that you love.
Wish Well Wisher.
It's short but...You get what I mean.
Happy February!
